5/17/09
Cons! CockHammer! Contest!
Word up Minions! Grab a big ole glass of soda pop, some chips, and sit back and take this update it. We've got LOTS to share with you. It's been a craaazy fucking year! We've already released one major feature film, and done a mega huge convention, but you if you think that's the end of the road for us, you don't know Hack Mother Fucking Movies!
We've just this week moved to post production on an INSANE feature called "CockHammer", the follow up to the extreme offensive comedy "Stiff Jobs"! Jonny Jonny is on his way down from Chicago to make sure we don't fuck up post. We've already revealed the release date of this crazy ass film as exactly 2 months from now, July 17th 2009, but let me drop a few more mega-nuggets of devestation on your brain pans...
Hack Movies is set to hit the road with a tour so wicked it could only be called the "Straight To Hell Tour" as in, our flicks are so fucked up and wrong, they're sending us, and you guys, the Hack Minions, Straight to Hell! The tour kicks off with our Second ever Hack Movies Cinema Showgasm! That's right, on August 1st, 2009 at Fubar in St. Louis, Hack Movies is screening "Stiff Jobs" AND "CockHammer"! There'll also be 3 live bands! That's over 5 hours of entertainment for just 10 bucks (and a 3 dollar surcharge for minors)!
A mere 6 days later we're headed out to the 10th annual GATHERING OF THE JUGGALOS! That's right, for the first time EVER Hack Movies will be kicking it with the fam all weekend long, from July 6th-9th! Look for the Hack crew to be putting it down as only we can! We'll be slanging DVDs and Merch out of backpacks, come give us a dap and get your Hack on!
The very next weekend, July 14th-16th, we hit Fright Night Film Fest in LouisVille, KY, where we'll be slanging merch at our usual table as well as screening Stiff Jobs and CockHammer!
The southern flavor isn't over yet! just 3 weeks later, September 11th-13th in Lexington Kentucky, we'll be hitting the Scare Fest! If you can't make one, hit up the other, if you can make em both, all the better!
A mere 3 weeks later we head back to the STL for Archon 32! That's October 1st-3rd in Colinsville Il, come on by and get your nerd on! We love our hometown Minions, so hit up the table and talk to us about a walk on role in the next flick!
And finally, 3 short weeks later, we'll be hitting up FlashBack Weekend in Chicago on October 23rd-25th! Chicago is our motherfuckin town and a great way to end an insane series of screenings! Minions, hit up one of these shows, hit up all these shows, but check it out, we'll have EXCLUSIVE full color, signed, "Straight to Hell" mini posters to give away with any purchase at the merch booth, as well as copies of "Stiff Jobs" and "CockHammer" for sale, along with the entire Hack catalog of course! We're going Straight to Hell and you're invited!
We're gonna leave you with a couple exclusive stills from the flick, but first, let me just say we'll have a trailer for this monster next week! And finally, we've re-opened the hack forum! That's right! After a 2 year hiatus, we're back on the 1995 tip with an internet forum just for you crazy Hack Minions who want to keep up to date, interact with the Hack crew, and of course WIN FREE SHIT!
The contest this month requires you to hit up the hack forum by Clicking Here and signing up at our new home on the web, www.fiveoneseven.com! That's right, we're partnering up with one of the oldest juggalo forums on the net to bring you the freshest Hack Movies flavor! So the contest this month is, the first 10 people to sign up and post in the Hack Movies forum will win a free "Stiff Jobs" promo DVD! Now for those shitbags who keep whining about how we didn't send them their "Free copy of Stiff Jobs" read that again. It's a PROMO DVD, not an "advanced copy" or anything of the sort! A Hack Promo DVD is the same as a music sampler, there are teaser scenes and trailers, over an hour of FREE content, but NOT A FULL LENGTH MOVIE! Hit up HackMovies.com and buy your ass a DVD for just 10 bucks if you want it that bad honkey!
That said, we often fuck up promo shipments, so if you've won a contest in the past and never got your PROMO DVD, hit us up in a private message with your mailing addy and we'll send it right out!
Follow us on gay ass twitter: www.twitter.com/hackmovies
Hit up the CockHammer image gallery here on myspace for nearly 100 pics from the flick! And now, here are the exclusive stills from the movie!
3/13/09
Fango Recap plus more freshness!
Wow! Well, fangoria is past us minions and what a crazy trip that was! LOTS of killer shit went down over the weekend, the crew had a blast, the fans had a blast, and it was JUST the karma boost we needed to get the fuck right to work on CockHammer! I wanna give a special shout out to you crazy fuckers who brought the Talisman of Tikiniya to have signed, that shit was awesome! We fuckin love the fans up in Chicago, seriously, St. Louis, Louisville, Indianapolis, you guys need to take notes from Chicago, that's how you fucking rock shows! We've got Archon down here in St. Louis in October but I don't give a fuck, we're gonna start talking with FlashBack Weekend to get back up there and kick it with you sick fucks! Help us out Chicagoians, fire off an email to Flashback at: flashbackweekend@ameritech.net
tell those fuckers you want to see Hack Movies as special guests!
Also to the cats who brought your flick "Serial" up to me at the table, I never saw you guys again and I can't find any info on you on the net, hit me up at the website or the myspace so we can talk! I hope all you guys who said you came to the show just to see Hack Movies were satisfied. That shit freaks me out cause we're so busy and have so much going on that I always feel like we don't give you guys enough of our time, but please keep in mind, we fuckin love all our fans, that's why we're out there on the floor kickin with you guys every day! This shit is for you guys, not distributors or investors, or any other industry types. Fuck that shit, first and foremost the conventions, the festivals, the movies are for you, the motherfucking Hack Minions!
I always get nervous when we put a new flick out, but all the pre-orders, all the sales at Fangoria, all the emails and myspace comments are pretty clear, Stiff Jobs is another Hack Movies success! But you don't have to take my word for it, the reviews are flooding in! Check out the press section to check those badboys out! There's a shit load more out there so check back often, we'll be updating the review section as the new ones come in. And if you missed your oportunity to pick up Stiff jobs during the pre-order, don't worry, that shit's in the Hack Store and ready to ship!
On to a bit of staleness, it seems those nazis over at Youtube have seen fit to delete the Stiff Jobs trailer and warn our account. If we put it back up and it gets flagged again, there goes our account. Seriously people we've got to do something about this web censorship! Youtube is a great networking tool with lots of features to keep fans connected to the goings on of indie filmmakers that we sometimes can't facilitate on our own. But I wont be made to censor my art because of some socialist community standards bullshit! Even if it means never posting another Hack Movie on that website, so be it. We'll find better social sharing sites more suited to keeping the intergity of artistic vision, cattle fuckers. Feel free to send a harshly worded email over to press@youtube.com (the only email addy I could find for thost hitlerian shitstains!)
Anway, on to more positive news, Hack Movies now has a PO Box! If you've ever wanted to mail us pictures of your ex girlfriend's asshole, some fan mail, or a copy of your own movie, now you can! Just mail that shit to:
PO Box 53
East Alton, Il
62024
We're gonna leave you today with a couple videos from Fangoria, one is our good buddy Travis over at WeAreMovieGeeks.com interviewing yours truly during the show, the other is some hot ass blonde interviewing me for some Chicago blog called "In Your Face Chicago!" Unfotunately I didn't get a chance to fuck her, but I did get a chance to plug Stiff Jobs on her show! Check out these videos and we'll talk soon. CockHammer goes into production next month, we're gonna crank it out faster than you think, so stay tuned!
Episode 5: Love fest in the Land of the Dead from In Your Face, Chicago on Vimeo.
2/25/09
Stiff Jobs Drops!!!
God damn Minions, it's already well past the 17th. Stiff Jobs is out, selling like fucking nickle bags in the ghetto. People are saying this is the best one yet. The reviews should start pouring in any day. Our buddies at DeadPit.com are usually the first ones to the plate, but we've got a shit load more screeners out there as well. It's a big movie, lots of action, lots of fucked up perverted sexual situations, more actors and characters than we've ever had. This one aint for the faint of heart. We pushed the boundaries of bad taste, and I love it!
And the DVD is just as packed as the Colonel Kill Motherfuckers DVD was. 2 Audio Commentaries, an intro by yours truly, 4 Behind the Hits vignettes, promo skits and trailers. We hook you fuckers up with these disks, we don't play around, there's hours and hours of fun to be had with a Hack Movies DVD.
That's not all we've got going on around here, as if the release of our most anticipated film yet wasn't more than enough to keep us and you guys busy. We've got the anual Fangoria Weekend of Horrors convention going on March 6-8th, that's next weekend. If you were there last year, you know how insane it was, if you weren't there, get your little ass over to Chicago and kick it with the likes of Troma, Full Moon, and of course Hack Movies. We've got that shit locked the fuck down. We're selling Stiff Jobs, Colonel Kill, all the Hack Movies plus a ton of T shirts and stickers and buttons. It's gonna be a blast, always is.
Then as soon as we get back, production is set to start on "Stiff Jobs 2: the Rise of CockHammer" which picks up right where Stiff Jobs leaves off, and it sure as fuck leaves you with a clifhanger ending. but don't fret, we're not taking a year between production this time, Minions, we're gonna have CockHammer delivered to your hungry meat hooks before the summer, count on that, it's our only focus and our only goal coming out of Fangoria. We've got more movies on the plate this year, at least 2 more after "Stiff Jobs 2: The Rise of CockHammer". You fuckers get a treat this time, not only are Wolfram and Windgate back for the sequel, but for the first time since 2007, Nixon and Hogan appear in a feature length Hack Movie. Look for CockHammer late spring/early summer, we're gonna keep you updated.
If you missed our appearance on Jonathan Moody's internet radio show "The Independent Corner", click over to blogtalkradio.com and check that shit out. 2 hours of Hack Movies. Lots of behind the scenes info and bullshit, it was a great time.
And last but not least, we're offering you something REALLY special for the first time EVER. Have you been following Hack Movies for a while but didn't know where to jump in with our movies? Want a T shirt to rep the underground but don't know which one to buy? How about a HACK SUPER PACK with ALL 4 Hack DVDs and ALL 5 Hack T shirts along with ALL the buttons and stickers for just 75 BUCKS?!?! That's more than 40 bucks off retail price! Amazing.
Click image to view the deal!
1/17/09
PreOrder Stiff Jobs!
Minions! today is the day! When you woke up this morning, you may have noticed a big fat juicy boner staring up at you from your trouser pieces. That's cause today is the fucking day that YOU the diehard Hack Minions, can Pre-Order the brand new newNew from Hack Movies, Stiff Jobs! Now this isn't just any pre-order kiddos, you get straight hooked up with this deal. Check it brosephine:
You've got two options to whet your perverted little apetites.
First, you can grab up the Stiff Jobs DVD for 10 bucks, and get any other Hack DVD for FREE!
Click Here to order Stiff Jobs with a FREE DVD for $9.99!
Or if you've already got the other Hack Flicks, you can grab up the fresh new Stiff Jobs Torso Cover for 15 bucks and you get the Stiff Jobs DVD FREE!
Click Here to order Stiff Jobs with a T shirt for $14.99!
Plus as always, you get the new Stiff Jobs 1.25 inch punk button, and a Hack Movies sticker at no additional charge! Two choices for some fresh ass merch, pick one, pick both and give one to your little brother's hot ass teenage girlfriend, we don't give a fuck, just buy our shit!!!
In other news, with the impending release of Stiff Jobs comes the news that we are in fact making the movie we claimed we were making last year, "CockHammer" only now it's called "Stiff Jobs 2: The Rise of CockHammer". Or something similar at least, you never know with us fuckers here at Hack Movies, but that's what makes the Underground so great, unpredictability!
CockHammer starts production in Febuary or March and will be followed by 3 more feature films this year, if everything goes as we expect it to go. 2009 will be the year of production for Hack Movies. We conquored the convention circuit last year, this year we plan to conquor consistent production so that in the years to come we can produce 4-6 flicks a year and still find time to hit up all our favorite cities to fuck you sweet and supple young Minions!
Any Minion that's been around a little minute knows that when the pre-order date hits for a new Hack Movies, those lovable thugs, Nixon and Hogan roll out to shill the fuck outta the new release, and this time is no different. Minions, feast your eyes on what many believe to be the best video Hack Movies has ever released, "Nixon and Hogan in Butt Hash"!
All's not totally quiet on the con scene, we will be making an apearance at next weekend's VisionCon Sci-Fi convention in Springfield Missouri, as well as Fanogoria's Weekend of Horrors in March in Chicago and here in St. Louis in October for Archon. It's a full year Minons, are you ready???
We'll see you fuckers next month for another contest and updates about CockHammer's production.
Hack Mother Fucking Movies OUT!
1/02/09
We're fuckin Back like WHAT!
Welcome the fuck back Minons! It's been faaaar too fucking long since we last had our collective film cocks in your moist, slutty little mouth pieces! Hack Movies is set to do it again! Our 4th DVD release, "Stiff Jobs", by far the most offensive film in the Hack catalog, is set to be released through our website www.hackmovies.com on February 17th 2009! And if you pre-order that bitch on January 17th, you'll get a FREE mother fucking DVD of any of our back catalog movies! That means for a weak ass little, 10 dollar pre-order, you get Colonel Kill Motherfuckers, Dead Shit, or Dream Reaper, Absolutely free!
So what's this new shit about? Well, here's the boxart and the plot:
Plot:
"Stiff Jobs" is the story of two of the most ruthless hitmen in all of Strangeville, Wolfram and Windgate. What was to be a routine hit on a well to do gay pedophile with inclinations toward fat cuban boys, turns into murder, mayhem and all the perverted sexual nonsense Hack Movies is known for when our heros get themselves cunt deep in supernatural jizm, and come face to face with the forces of darkness!
Good shit right? Read the fuck on Minions!
After a year of convention touring throughout 2008, Hack Movies have solidified their place in the underground horror community. Stiff Jobs is the 4th directoral effort for Kevin Strange since 2006. Stiff Jobs marks the first time in Hack History that the boundaries of bad taste have been pushed this far! Naked Tits, naked Dicks, naked asses, scatological humor, low budget gore and the offensive and tasteless dialogue Hack Minions have come to know and love abound in this feature length film from the Sultans of Sleeze, Hack Movies!
Enough fucking bullshit right? Here's the motherfucking trailer yall've been waiting for for months, hosted exclusively by our fucking homies over at Bloody-Disgusting.com!
Watch that shit and tell us how the fuck you feel about it! Then come back here in a week to see the first 5 minutes of the flick, brought to you exclusively from our brothers from other mothers WeAreMovieGeeks.com!
But wait! There's More! A week after the teaser scene drops, we'll have an exclusive interview with writer/director Kevin Strange about Stiff Jobs, CockHammer, and all sorts of goodies conducted by those same hansome fuckers WeAreMovieGeeks.com! It's 2009, and Hack Mother Fucking Movies is back up in this bitch like WHAT!
